how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
