He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
