You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm passing your future prison.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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