whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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