It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
