I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish you could order shots online.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
