Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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