Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
