Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She told me I should be a condom model.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
