even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just invented taco cereal.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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