dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
