I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
