i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
