Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
