remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize