Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
