Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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