she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
