Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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