You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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