True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
