I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
