youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
