Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
