And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
