dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize