Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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