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he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
