final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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