Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
