omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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