oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
