Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
