we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
