I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
