Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
