i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
