It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
