I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
