party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
