There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
