oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
