You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
