i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
