Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
