I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
