Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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