Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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