My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Mom said you looked used
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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