He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have feelings that need drinking.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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