If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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