If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
