you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
