i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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