Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
