ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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