dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize