So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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