Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
