i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize