Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
