She said her name was "party"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
