FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My vagina just clenched in fear
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
