I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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