Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
