3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
