god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
