break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
