heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
