my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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