i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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