we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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